Whose Need is Stronger?

Whose Need is Stronger?

What happens when two needs collide?

Recently a friend was quite vulnerable in sharing a concern he had about a group we both belong to. While he shared I noticed that I began to be concerned he would leave the group.

Instead of waiting for him to finish, I said in the midst of his vulnerability that I hope he doesn’t leave. He then quite rightly and calmly said, “Vince, just let me have a human moment here.”

I made my need more of a priority than his.

Every need differs in content and energetic make-up.

When communicating it is important to sense whose need is stronger in any given moment – whose need deserves the right of way first – and to give way to the other. Both needs are valid, but every need is different because of the depth and quality of feeling underlying it. This is what determines its priority.

It is harder to hold space for another if our need is stronger and we are not met first.

Communication is not just about sharing, but about feeling where the other is at and temporarily suspending our agenda for the good of all.

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Related Reading:
The Feelings Behind Your Need
4 Keys to Conscious Communication
15 Ways to Say No
The Courage to Speak Your Truth ~ 5 Steps to Reclaiming Your Voice

Related Training:
Conscious Communication ~ Creative, Compassionate & Productive Communication
Community Engagement ~ Building Creative & Collaborative Relationships
Leadership from the Inside Out ~ Opportunity to Learn, Safe to Be Reflective, Empowered to Take Action

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