Finding Middle Ground ~ 3 Steps to Creating Consensus & Connection
To find middle ground, we must be willing to accommodate another perspective, and leave the ground we stand on. Finding middle ground is not always easy because needs are often so diametrically opposed. And yet when we realize that people, more than anything, want to feel heard and understood, finding middle ground can become a simpler process. Here are three steps you can take to find middle ground: 1. Be Calm This is essential. Your calm state creates a sense of openness, and a feeling of safety for others to express fully without fear of judgement or reaction. 2. Acknowledge the Other’s Position People are more likely to loosen their stance if they feel heard and valued. People want to feel that their position is […]
8 Keys to Self-Care
“Taking good care of you means the people in your life will receive the best of you rather than what is left of you.” ~ Lorraine Cohen. Self-care is an act of putting your Self and well-being first. Below are eight simple ways to practice self-care and create space for rest, simplicity and playtime. 1. Notice Your Energy Be conscious of how you feel. Are you tired, stressed, anxious? Listen to your body, honor its needs, and don’t push yourself beyond what feels comfortable. 2. Write Down Tasks De-clutter your mind and write your to-do list down. This helps to lesson anxiety and create clarity on what needs to be done. 3. Prioritize Tasks Does it really need to be done now? How much stress […]
The Feelings Behind Your Need
A complaint is an unspoken request. We share our needs with others and hope they are met. We may ask someone to help clean the house or complete the project on time. When we ask multiple times and the need is still not met it is natural to complain and feel powerless – asking again for the fourth time isn’t changing anything and yet saying nothing isn’t helping either. What is not being said that needs to be heard? Level 1 ~ Initial Request: When you express a need for first time, not only share what you want done, but say how having it done would make you feel and why it is important to you. “Sharing household duties makes me feel we have an equal […]
Whose Need is Stronger?
What happens when two needs collide? Recently a friend was quite vulnerable in sharing a concern he had about a group we both belong to. While he shared I noticed that I began to be concerned he would leave the group. Instead of waiting for him to finish, I said in the midst of his vulnerability that I hope he doesn’t leave. He then quite rightly and calmly said, “Vince, just let me have a human moment here.” I made my need more of a priority than his. Every need differs in content and energetic make-up. When communicating it is important to sense whose need is stronger in any given moment – whose need deserves the right of way first – and to give way […]
Finding Value in the Opposite
When you have a working relationship that is frustrating you, instead of focusing on the behaviors you don’t like, focus on what you want. Here are four steps to Finding Value in the Opposite: 1. List Unwanted Behaviors: Make a list of the behaviors that are not working for you. 2. List the Opposite: Next to each behavior write down its opposite – the behavior you want. 3. Identify a Core Value: Next to each wanted behavior, write down a core value that reflects this behavior. 4. Create a List of Guiding Principles: Create specific definitions of how each value is to be expressed in the working relationship. For example: 1. He doesn’t practice full disclosure in his financial statements and goals 2. He gives […]
Saying No, Saying Yes
“Better a friendly refusal than an unwilling promise.” ~ German Proverb. While the dark season calls us to go inwards and reflect, the busyness of the Holiday Season calls us outward to engage. It is not easy to say No to life’s invitations and demands when our pattern is to say Yes. Our social conditioning tells us it is bad to put ourselves first. Yet whenever we say Yes to one thing, we also say No to another, and often what we say No to is our Self. Take time this week to be clear on what you are saying Yes and No to. Are you speaking from guilt, obligation and pressure, or from truth, self-care and your personal values? “Whenever you say the words, […]
The 5 Needs of Employees ~ Creating a Socially Responsible Organization
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson. The traditional workplace has not encouraged us to be our authentic Self. It has not been big enough to house the human soul. Its culture has been one of punching our time card and doing the daily tasks of building gadgets, meeting client needs, devising strategy and completing administration. We have been expected to do at work, but how much have we been encouraged to be? In my experience of working with teams, there is a hunger for people to have a voice in the organization. They want to bring more of themselves to work. Ultimately, it is their responsibility to do so; […]
15 Ways to Say No
“There is a difference between being self-centred, and centred in the Self.” ~ Lynda Austin. For many, saying No is a challenging task. We have been brought up to believe that putting ourselves first is bad, selfish or wrong. Yet when the oxygen mask drops on the airplane, who do you put it on first, you or your child? Making onenself a priority is essential to healthy, happy and productive living. To do this, we may have to say No to certain people who could redirect us from listening to our own needs and practicing self-care. 15 simple ways to say No: That won’t work for me. That doesn’t resonate/feel right. I feel I need to take time for me right now. My body really […]
15 Ways to Express Needs & Desires
“There is a difference between being self-centred and centred in the Self.” ~ Lynda Austin We have been trained not to ask for what we want. We will bend ourselves backwards, deny our feelings, and burn ourselves out all to avoid stating our needs. Our social conditioning, and specifically our inner Saboteur, holds us back by stating that putting ourselves first is selfish or wrong, or that we should always give to others first. And yet, we cannot give away what we don’t have. In other words, we must learn to give to ourselves first, fill our own cup so to speak, before we can feed others. “Everything we want is on the other side of fear.” ~ Farrah Gray Our social conditioning is based in fear. The […]
Designing Your Impact ~ A Simple and Powerful Skill
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” ~ Miguel Angel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. A week ago a friend and I had a Play Day together, a day trip which included swimming, hiking and bocce ball. Fun! As we began our adventure, my friend did not seem his usual self. He was stiff, withdrawn and difficult to communicate with. I noticed I began making assumptions: Is he mad at me? Am I talking too much? Am I annoying him? I was also aware that I was working hard at connecting to him, […]