Owning Your 50% ~ Transforming Conflict into Growth
In the heat of conflict it is much easier to react than to stay grounded and open. We default to defending our position rather than taking responsibility for our part. We are always playing a role in conflict, whether it is on an overt or subtle level. Owning our 50% takes self-awareness and humility – we must surrender our position and explore how we have contributed to the situation. Recently a friend was upset that I didn’t get back to her sooner. I told her that from my point of view I didn’t feel a need to rush a response. However, from her point of view it only made sense that I would get back within a day. Instead of looking to strengthen my position […]
I wonder…
“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” ~Gerry Spence It is very easy to share our opinion with attachment, or even righteousness. We believe our perspective is the truth, and we deliver it as such. However, it is a real skill to share a point of view while still remaining open to others. We can do this by changing the tone of our voice to be warm or light. We can also use the child’s language of I wonder. “Wisdom is in not knowing.” ~ Deepak Chopra To be in wonder means to be open. It is an attitude of curiosity whereby we state our interest, and at the same time are open to not knowing the answer […]
Creating Colorful Perspectives
Where Your Attention Goes, the Energy Flows. The decisions we make are based on the perspectives we hold about a particular person or situation. A perspective may be: She doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’m stuck; I can’t figure this out. This meeting is pointless. It has to be done this way. A perspective is simply a lens through which we view the world. What we often fail to remember is that our perspective is one lens of many, and not the lens. It is one color in the spectrum of viewpoints. When we forget this, we get locked in our perspective, and fail to make ourselves available to all the other colorful options. The next time you feel stressed or uncomfortable in any way, […]
Connect Before You Correct
Connection is the Foundation for Communication. It is an art form to receive someone fully before offering an opinion that counters their own. We tend to correct without first allowing a connection to be established. It’s how we do things in this fast paced, pressured society – we jump to offering opinions and expertise, or slip into fixing mode. “Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me, and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus What if we walked beside someone, giving their thoughts and feelings room to breathe before offering our own? To do this we need to: slow down & listen understand that acceptance does not mean agreement validate their […]
Finding Value in the Opposite
When you have a working relationship that is frustrating you, instead of focusing on the behaviors you don’t like, focus on what you want. Here are four steps to Finding Value in the Opposite: 1. List Unwanted Behaviors: Make a list of the behaviors that are not working for you. 2. List the Opposite: Next to each behavior write down its opposite – the behavior you want. 3. Identify a Core Value: Next to each wanted behavior, write down a core value that reflects this behavior. 4. Create a List of Guiding Principles: Create specific definitions of how each value is to be expressed in the working relationship. For example: 1. He doesn’t practice full disclosure in his financial statements and goals 2. He gives […]
Just Follow Play Date
One of my playshop participants recently told me a great way to have a play date. Her daughter sent her a written invitation to play in her room at a specific date and time. A sign was placed on the door asking not to be disturbed during their play date. Once in the room, she simply followed how her daughter wanted to play. If her daughter wanted to comb her hair, she happily played along. Mom practiced The Spirit of Yes And and joyfully danced with her daughter’s playful agendas. Imagine how much this meant to her daughter. Set up a play date with a loved one and simply follow. Consider it a waltz into the unknown where the thrill of adventure lies; where control […]