Asking for Help ~ A Wonderful Way to Give
What if asking for help is an act of giving? It is one of the hardest things to do it seems. In asking for help we are afraid that we might be burdening others, or that our wish will go unanswered leaving us feeling disappointed…again. Or maybe we feel that if we ask for help we will be judged as incompetent, giving our boss reason to not grant us that raise. Or perhaps we don’t want to feel vulnerable, and admit to ourselves that maybe we don’t have all the answers and can’t do it alone. It also doesn’t help when we live in a society that says giving is better than receiving, putting ourselves first is bad or selfish, and we must be strong. […]
Owning Your 50% ~ Transforming Conflict into Growth
In the heat of conflict it is much easier to react than to stay grounded and open. We default to defending our position rather than taking responsibility for our part. We are always playing a role in conflict, whether it is on an overt or subtle level. Owning our 50% takes self-awareness and humility – we must surrender our position and explore how we have contributed to the situation. Recently a friend was upset that I didn’t get back to her sooner. I told her that from my point of view I didn’t feel a need to rush a response. However, from her point of view it only made sense that I would get back within a day. Instead of looking to strengthen my position […]
Finding Middle Ground ~ 3 Steps to Creating Consensus & Connection
To find middle ground, we must be willing to accommodate another perspective, and leave the ground we stand on. Finding middle ground is not always easy because needs are often so diametrically opposed. And yet when we realize that people, more than anything, want to feel heard and understood, finding middle ground can become a simpler process. Here are three steps you can take to find middle ground: 1. Be Calm This is essential. Your calm state creates a sense of openness, and a feeling of safety for others to express fully without fear of judgement or reaction. 2. Acknowledge the Other’s Position People are more likely to loosen their stance if they feel heard and valued. People want to feel that their position is […]
I wonder…
“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” ~Gerry Spence It is very easy to share our opinion with attachment, or even righteousness. We believe our perspective is the truth, and we deliver it as such. However, it is a real skill to share a point of view while still remaining open to others. We can do this by changing the tone of our voice to be warm or light. We can also use the child’s language of I wonder. “Wisdom is in not knowing.” ~ Deepak Chopra To be in wonder means to be open. It is an attitude of curiosity whereby we state our interest, and at the same time are open to not knowing the answer […]
Creating Colorful Perspectives
Where Your Attention Goes, the Energy Flows. The decisions we make are based on the perspectives we hold about a particular person or situation. A perspective may be: She doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’m stuck; I can’t figure this out. This meeting is pointless. It has to be done this way. A perspective is simply a lens through which we view the world. What we often fail to remember is that our perspective is one lens of many, and not the lens. It is one color in the spectrum of viewpoints. When we forget this, we get locked in our perspective, and fail to make ourselves available to all the other colorful options. The next time you feel stressed or uncomfortable in any way, […]
4 Keys to Conscious Communication
Even though we communicate all the time, for most of us, we have never received any training or education on how to communicate. We fumble our way through many messy conversations and relationships without the skills gleaned from being a student of conscious communication. Being a student begins with knowing that we communicate not only with our words, but also with our movement and energy. A slight shift in our body language can convey a new message. And our energy, how we are being, can create subtle ripples of influence that are intuitively received by others, and that impact the tone of our words. We become conscious communicators when we are aware of our words, body language and energy in every interaction. Aware means being […]
Connect Before You Correct
Connection is the Foundation for Communication. It is an art form to receive someone fully before offering an opinion that counters their own. We tend to correct without first allowing a connection to be established. It’s how we do things in this fast paced, pressured society – we jump to offering opinions and expertise, or slip into fixing mode. “Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me, and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus What if we walked beside someone, giving their thoughts and feelings room to breathe before offering our own? To do this we need to: slow down & listen understand that acceptance does not mean agreement validate their […]
22 Keys to Intuitive Living
“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” ~ Howard Thurman Intuition is… the knowing/sensing of something beyond time, space, reason, the use of prior knowledge and the five senses. It is the gateway to your soul. 1. Permission When you wake up in the morning, start your day by giving yourself permission to be intuitive. Remember, intuition is your natural state; therefore, you do not need to work at it, but rather allow it to express itself through you […]
Finding Value in the Opposite
When you have a working relationship that is frustrating you, instead of focusing on the behaviors you don’t like, focus on what you want. Here are four steps to Finding Value in the Opposite: 1. List Unwanted Behaviors: Make a list of the behaviors that are not working for you. 2. List the Opposite: Next to each behavior write down its opposite – the behavior you want. 3. Identify a Core Value: Next to each wanted behavior, write down a core value that reflects this behavior. 4. Create a List of Guiding Principles: Create specific definitions of how each value is to be expressed in the working relationship. For example: 1. He doesn’t practice full disclosure in his financial statements and goals 2. He gives […]
Just Follow Play Date
One of my playshop participants recently told me a great way to have a play date. Her daughter sent her a written invitation to play in her room at a specific date and time. A sign was placed on the door asking not to be disturbed during their play date. Once in the room, she simply followed how her daughter wanted to play. If her daughter wanted to comb her hair, she happily played along. Mom practiced The Spirit of Yes And and joyfully danced with her daughter’s playful agendas. Imagine how much this meant to her daughter. Set up a play date with a loved one and simply follow. Consider it a waltz into the unknown where the thrill of adventure lies; where control […]