Hidden Treasure

Hidden Treasure

I turned my back on him,
the younger part of me.

There was no choice.

Alone,
unable to hold
and afraid to feel
the magnitude of what occurred,

knowing,
at some deep, subterranean level,
if I could just keep it, him, at bay,
locked in his room,

I could stay strong
and rise above,

escape the overwhelm,
weakness,
the unbearable aloneness.

I could move away,
far away,
fast forward into life,
chasing
success after success.

What seemed so important.

Yet,
after many climbs to high mountain tops,
the view, that oh-so-dear
rush,
lost its charm.

Truthfully,
it never felt quite
enough.

Nothing felt enough.

Something was always
missing.

Little, if anything,
touched that old, desolate part of me
still
hiding from,
reaching for

me.

My back still turned on him,
yet aching more than ever,

bones tiring, weak
in this place,
this pace towards nowhere.

No-where.
Now-here.

Where the real work awaits.

Not in the endless stream of
temptations and treats
out there,

but now, here
in that forgotten,
neglected heart of yours.

When will you turn inwards?
When will you stop running?

When will you
at long last
feel
what could not be
safely felt,
meet
what could not be
lovingly held?

Put aside that life you
think
you want and
give your utmost attention to
being the parent your
inner child never had.

Put your arms around him.
Embrace her.
Bring him inwards.
Give her what you’d want
for your own children.

Feel.

The anger.
The shame.
The hatred.
The blame.

The constricted rawness in your
throat
for all you could not say.

Give voice to the sadness of having
lost your innocence,
the grief of having made a
career
of chasing nowhere.

Feel the magnitude of
what you went through
as a small child,
what you did so well to
normalize,
necessary as it was at the time.

Slowly, tenderly
sink
into your neglected wounds.

Feel your emotional body.

Remember it.
Know it as you
once did.

Bring that hidden treasure
to light,
that dear little one
close
into your deepest embrace.

Your life
will never be the same.

For,
it’s the treasure you’ve been searching for
all along.

_____________________

Check out Vince’s book: Wild Empty Spaces ~ Poems for the Opening Heart

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Posted in Trauma and Healing, Vince's Poetry and tagged , , .