15 Ways to Say No
“There is a difference between being self-centred, and centred in the Self.” ~ Lynda Austin. For many, saying No is a challenging task. We have been brought up to believe that putting ourselves first is bad, selfish or wrong. Yet when the oxygen mask drops on the airplane, who do you put it on first, you or your child? Making onenself a priority is essential to healthy, happy and productive living. To do this, we may have to say No to certain people who could redirect us from listening to our own needs and practicing self-care. 15 simple ways to say No: That won’t work for me. That doesn’t resonate/feel right. I feel I need to take time for me right now. My body really […]
15 Ways to Express Needs & Desires
“There is a difference between being self-centred and centred in the Self.” ~ Lynda Austin We have been trained not to ask for what we want. We will bend ourselves backwards, deny our feelings, and burn ourselves out all to avoid stating our needs. Our social conditioning, and specifically our inner Saboteur, holds us back by stating that putting ourselves first is selfish or wrong, or that we should always give to others first. And yet, we cannot give away what we don’t have. In other words, we must learn to give to ourselves first, fill our own cup so to speak, before we can feed others. “Everything we want is on the other side of fear.” ~ Farrah Gray Our social conditioning is based in fear. The […]
Designing Your Impact ~ A Simple and Powerful Skill
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” ~ Miguel Angel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. A week ago a friend and I had a Play Day together, a day trip which included swimming, hiking and bocce ball. Fun! As we began our adventure, my friend did not seem his usual self. He was stiff, withdrawn and difficult to communicate with. I noticed I began making assumptions: Is he mad at me? Am I talking too much? Am I annoying him? I was also aware that I was working hard at connecting to him, […]
Co-Creative Conversations
“Most people do not listen with the intent to learn and understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak.” ~ Stephen Covey. When there is an important meeting coming up with someone, say a work colleague, we often prepare what to talk about in advance. We think about what key points we want to cover, and how/when to bring them up. While it is natural and useful to be prepared, planning can also be limiting if it blocks our capacity to be available for a co-created conversation. A co-created conversation means both parties are active in the dialogue. Each person contributes to the agenda by bringing their thoughts, feelings and desires to the table. Often when we come […]
Co-Creative Conversations #2
“We don’t need to think, we know. We don’t need to do, we are. We keep moving in the wisdom that this is our only prayer. Faith happens when my mind is in my feet and I am not thinking at all.” — Gabrielle Roth, founder of 5Rhythms. We are continuously offering expressions of ourselves in the form of energy, sound and movement. An energetic “offer”, as I like to call them, is our current emotional state that we are emanating such as joy, frustration or confusion. An offer of sound can be verbalizing a perspective, laughing or even sneezing. And movement can be gestures, facial expressions or a simple wave of the hand. Each offer is a signal that informs and has emotional impact. […]
The Gift of Curiosity ~ Creating a New World One Question at a Time
The Gift of Curiosity is one the great toys for us to play with in engaging others and ourselves. It opens the mind and heart, stimulates creative thinking, encourages sharing, clarifies needs and desires, illuminates values, activates intuition and much, much more. Curiosity is a doorway into the soul and soulful living. The power lies in the question, not the answer Our society still functions from the perspective that the power lies in the answer. We tell people what to think, what to do and where to go. Whether it is parents, teachers or employers, we engage others from the perspective of telling, fixing or managing versus asking. There is nothing wrong with these modes of engagement, yet when not balanced with the wisdom of […]
Sharing versus Telling ~ Communication for Staying Centered in the Self
It is natural for us to tell people what to do. It is part of the human condition to believe we know what is best for others. This may be true when we are with young children and, for example, we see a child approaching a moving car. In that moment it is probably wise to tell the child to stand back. But as children grow older, we know less and less what is best for them. We can assume, but chances are our ideas for others are simply that – our own ideas, not theirs. We can only speak on behalf ourselves, not on behalf of others. When we speak on behalf of ourselves we share instead of tell. We share from our own […]
Conscious Communication ~ Getting the Best out of Other & Ourselves
“Listening may be the most powerful statement a person can make.” ~ Dr. Mardy Grothe What is conscious communication? Conscious means aware. Conscious communication is communicating from an awareness of who you are and the impact you are having and want to have, as well as an awareness of what people really want, and how they can best be supported. Conscious communication begins with being aware of whether we are speaking from our heart and intuition, or our fears and doubts. Are we speaking from our own past experiences and then projecting them onto the person in front of us, or are we really open to the uniqueness and possibilities that exist in every encounter? When beginning the path of conscious communication a simple place […]