4 Keys to Conscious Communication
Even though we communicate all the time, for most of us, we have never received any training or education on how to communicate. We fumble our way through many messy conversations and relationships without the skills gleaned from being a student of conscious communication. Being a student begins with knowing that we communicate not only with our words, but also with our movement and energy. A slight shift in our body language can convey a new message. And our energy, how we are being, can create subtle ripples of influence that are intuitively received by others, and that impact the tone of our words. We become conscious communicators when we are aware of our words, body language and energy in every interaction. Aware means being […]
The Feelings Behind Your Need
A complaint is an unspoken request. We share our needs with others and hope they are met. We may ask someone to help clean the house or complete the project on time. When we ask multiple times and the need is still not met it is natural to complain and feel powerless – asking again for the fourth time isn’t changing anything and yet saying nothing isn’t helping either. What is not being said that needs to be heard? Level 1 ~ Initial Request: When you express a need for first time, not only share what you want done, but say how having it done would make you feel and why it is important to you. “Sharing household duties makes me feel we have an equal […]
Whose Need is Stronger?
What happens when two needs collide? Recently a friend was quite vulnerable in sharing a concern he had about a group we both belong to. While he shared I noticed that I began to be concerned he would leave the group. Instead of waiting for him to finish, I said in the midst of his vulnerability that I hope he doesn’t leave. He then quite rightly and calmly said, “Vince, just let me have a human moment here.” I made my need more of a priority than his. Every need differs in content and energetic make-up. When communicating it is important to sense whose need is stronger in any given moment – whose need deserves the right of way first – and to give way […]
The Language of Play ~ Empowering Words for a Creative World
“As more humans awaken, the word work is going to disappear from our vocabulary, and perhaps a new word will be created to replace it.” ~ Eckhart Tolle, from The Power of Now. Imagine you are having a team meeting to introduce a new project. Your team leader is in charge of instigating the project, and of course, she wants it to be successful. You and your team are sitting, listening, waiting for instructions on how to proceed. Now imagine the first words that come out of her mouth are, “I want you to work on this project.” Her energy is serious, focused and professional. What would be your initial feeling response? What expectations or images would run through your mind? How would her words […]
2 Ways to Appreciate Others
One of the skills I teach in my playshops is appreciation. Participants often realize afterwards how much they don’t express appreciation to co-workers, family and friends. When we think of appreciation we think of acknowledging what someone has done: That’s a beautiful painting. That project turned out really well. What an incredible back flip! What we often forget to do is appreciate the person behind the doing ~ who we see them being: I appreciate how imaginative you are. You put a lot of heart and determination in that project. You are so courageous to do that! Imagine you just shared a painting, completed a project or did a back flip – which form of appreciation would touch your heart most? Play with both forms. […]
Speaking Your Truth
Holding back your truth is an act of inner scarcity. Expressing it is an act of abundance. It takes courage to speak our truth, especially when others are used to us holding back. Perhaps we have trained them to expect us to accommodate their perspective, please, or just remain silent. People will treat us the same until we change. Where in your life are you not speaking your truth? Where are you allowing others to speak for you? Speaking our truth expands our playground of life. We make our Self a priority and make new empowered choices. We no longer play poor me or victim, and give our power away to others. Instead we claim our self-worth. Children don’t hesitate to speak up and speak out, […]
Listening
“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” ~ Sue Patton Thoele. 29 years old and listening for the first time We take our capacity to hear for granted. We’ve forgotten to savor and appreciate the rich diversity of sound continuously offered to us. Take time today to appreciate life’s endless melodies. Perhaps imagine this is the last time you hear this unique and precious sound. Be curious and notice its subtleties: is the sound wavy, crunchy, intense, whispery? What are its qualities? And when in conversation, notice how present you are. Are you listening, receiving their words and feelings, or lost in thought? I heard a statistic recently that mothers […]
Balanced Communication
Communication is a balance of giving and receiving, of sending out and allowing in. As you engage in conversations and conduct your Monday meetings, notice the balance between how much space you fill with your expertise, opinions and ideas, and how much room you allow others to share their own. How much are you speaking versus listening, being curious and waiting for others to share? Trust is knowing silence is ok. I don’t have to do it all, and that others, although quiet, have value to contribute. Trust is believing I have value to contribute, and that everyone, including my Self, deserves to hear my voice. Whatever side you default to on this conversation teeter-totter, your growth lies on the other end. Enjoy playing on […]
Saying No, Saying Yes
“Better a friendly refusal than an unwilling promise.” ~ German Proverb. While the dark season calls us to go inwards and reflect, the busyness of the Holiday Season calls us outward to engage. It is not easy to say No to life’s invitations and demands when our pattern is to say Yes. Our social conditioning tells us it is bad to put ourselves first. Yet whenever we say Yes to one thing, we also say No to another, and often what we say No to is our Self. Take time this week to be clear on what you are saying Yes and No to. Are you speaking from guilt, obligation and pressure, or from truth, self-care and your personal values? “Whenever you say the words, […]
3 Playful Communication Tools
Three Communication Tools for you to Play with. Enjoy! O.W.L. Observe…Wait…Listen W.A.I.T. Why Am I Talking