How to Turn a Snake into a Sword ~ From Reasoning to Playing Along
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” ~Angela Schwindt A three-year-old girl was attempting to play with her older brothers who were messing around with swords. The mother didn’t know why she was bothering her brothers’ boyish fun, and was tempted to redirect her to something more suitable. In that moment, however, she caught herself. She went on to say, “Instead of reasoning, I met her in her world.” The daughter had a toy snake in her hand, and the mother moved next to her and suggested that maybe she could use it as a sword. She played along with her daughter’s imaginative impulses, and validated her in the process. Mom parked her […]
Nobody Gets to Be Wrong ~ Designing a Safe Space for Creativity and Expression
“It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something.” ~ Ornette Coleman Two things that block our self-expression and creativity is the fear of judgement, and the weight of expectations to do things the “right” way. We hold back in team meetings and other kinds of relationships, fearful that we will receive a disparaging response. A guiding principle for communication that can help mitigate negativity and fear, and create safety for creative self-expression is Nobody Gets to Be Wrong. Imagine conducting all future meetings and general dialogue with this principle in place. What would the implications be? All ideas are welcome Freedom to playfully experiment and get messy Less thinking and more spontaneity More ideas shared […]
Owning Your 50% ~ Transforming Conflict into Growth
In the heat of conflict it is much easier to react than to stay grounded and open. We default to defending our position rather than taking responsibility for our part. We are always playing a role in conflict, whether it is on an overt or subtle level. Owning our 50% takes self-awareness and humility – we must surrender our position and explore how we have contributed to the situation. Recently a friend was upset that I didn’t get back to her sooner. I told her that from my point of view I didn’t feel a need to rush a response. However, from her point of view it only made sense that I would get back within a day. Instead of looking to strengthen my position […]
From Victim to Leader
Think back to a time when you felt someone had done you wrong, a time you felt victimized in some way. Perhaps it was at work – someone was always late, or speaking to you with disrespect. Or maybe it was at home – you were the one always doing the household duties; the responsibilities were not equally shared. While it is easy to point at others and blame, it is more empowering to point within. We move from victim to leader when we own our role in any conflict. Instead of blaming the other, we look for what we can do differently to change things. Maybe you: Let someone know what your expectations are Tell someone how you feel about the way they speak […]
Whose Need is Stronger?
What happens when two needs collide? Recently a friend was quite vulnerable in sharing a concern he had about a group we both belong to. While he shared I noticed that I began to be concerned he would leave the group. Instead of waiting for him to finish, I said in the midst of his vulnerability that I hope he doesn’t leave. He then quite rightly and calmly said, “Vince, just let me have a human moment here.” I made my need more of a priority than his. Every need differs in content and energetic make-up. When communicating it is important to sense whose need is stronger in any given moment – whose need deserves the right of way first – and to give way […]