The Power of Seeing Others for Who They Truly Are

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The Power of Seeing Others for Who They Truly Are

In 1998, while living in London, England, I began seeing my first counsellor, a wicked and wise 63 year-old name Valerie. Every two weeks I traveled to Wallingford, Oxfordshire by train, always eager for our sessions. I yearned to speak to someone who could help me make sense of things, of why I felt so different and troubled, and with whom I could be myself, as best I could in those early days of inner work. Valerie was intelligent and fierce, which bode well for the one in me who could easily deceive and out-wit others. Unique in comparison to all healing practitioners I saw after (and there were many!), she was not afraid to pull out her sword and call my bullshit. One time, […]

Alchemizing Wider Spectrums of Dark into Light: The Evolution and Maturation of the Soul

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Alchemizing Wider Spectrums of Dark into Light: The Evolution and Maturation of the Soul

Through the many faces of fear we learn the many faces of love. That is, until we are finished learning from fear, and are fully ready for love.  The evolution and maturation of the soul is a path of holding wider spectrums of dark and light without resistance. This comes from many heroic lifetimes of facing and integrating our shadows, alchemizing them into embodied gold — the crystalline light of our higher self.  Light reveals darkness. It conjures lower vibrational states and aspects — our deepest fears expressed as shame, guilt and unworthiness; parts vehemently announcing, “I don’t deserve love!” For people unready for the light, too attached they are to their suffering, they turn away like Dracula from the sun. It simply is too […]

The Tragedies of these Dark Times Initiate Us into a Remembrance of Love, Soul and our Human Family

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The Tragedies of these Dark Times Initiate Us into a Remembrance of Love, Soul and our Human Family

Ultimately, in any given moment, we have only two choices: the Path of Love, Light and Unity, or the Path of Fear, Darkness and Separation. In the extremity of these times, these choices have never been more evident. The future of humanity and Mother Earth depends on which path we take. It is up to us.  Life is tragic. There is no doubt. At increasingly alarming levels we are experiencing drastic and confronting lifestyle changes, while witnessing across the globe immense human suffering and violent eruptions on Mother Earth’s land and sea. Despite the rising apocalyptic energy, I remind myself that there is no tragedy without some form of redemptive beauty. Though that beauty may not come in the immediacy of the adversity, it eventually […]

To Welcome Someone into Our Heart, First We May Need to Learn to Push Others Away

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To Welcome Someone into Our Heart, First We May Need to Learn to Push Others Away

There is a great emphasis put on letting love in. “Open your heart” says the self-help teacher. “Give yourself to love” sings the romantic poet. They make it sound so easy! Yet, for the one who learnt that love is unsafe, the heart is quite guarded. Coiled around it, usually for decades, is protective barbed wire. The closer one gets to the heart, the closer one gets to the wound and the protective mechanisms keeping people away. For this wounded one (who makes up many, if not most, Euro-westerners), asserting boundaries may be the necessary first step. Before letting love in, the old truncated impulse to protect must be exercised. Completing survival responses A precursor to the vulnerability of receiving is so often the vulnerability […]

Losing Yourself to Life: Surrendering to the Ancient Cycle of Death and Rebirth, Dark and Light

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Losing Yourself to Life: Surrendering to the Ancient Cycle of Death and Rebirth, Dark and Light

Maybe you are searching among the branches for what only appears in the roots. ~ Rumi “Remember, like a tree, you rise into the light only as far as your roots will take you, as far as you are willing to immerse yourself into the medicine of the dark, tear-soaked soil beneath your feet. Therefore seek those who have the capacity to honor your tears, to hold you in them, to deepen your immersion into cold chambers of yesterday, and to help you rise anew, fed from the light of truth found only in darkness.” ~ from Awakening to Darkness, by Vince Gowmon The light of indescribable joy arrives in our hearts when we enter the depths of forgotten darkness. Down, through the many doorways […]

Taking Time to Feel Authentic Forgiveness: Healing in a Culture of Quick-fix Solutions and Spiritual Bypassing

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Taking Time to Feel Authentic Forgiveness: Healing in a Culture of Quick-fix Solutions and Spiritual Bypassing

Forgiving is a liberating act of love to self and others. It can free us from pain, resentment, from feeling separate from others and life. But forgiveness, if not felt deeply and given with enough rooted authenticity, can be a means of bypassing uncomfortable feelings (spiritual bypassing), the truth of one’s raw inner experience.  Long held as a virtue in religious teachings, cultures and, more recently, in new age / personal growth circles, we have and continue to be taught and even expected to forgive; to let it go and move on, for it is the kind and moral thing to do. “Be the bigger person.” “Get over your past!” “Stop playing victim!” “You are better than they are.” “Don’t let them get to you.” […]

From Prince to King: To Graduate and Welcome a Queen, the Old Contract—the Need for Mother’s Love—Must End

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From Prince to King: To Graduate and Welcome a Queen, the Old Contract—the Need for Mother’s Love—Must End

“Much male fear of feminism is the fear that, in becoming whole human beings, women will cease to mother men, to provide the breast, the lullaby, the continuous attention associated by the infant with the mother. Much male fear of feminism is infantilism—the longing to remain a mother’s son, to possess a woman purely for him.” ~ Adrienne Rich, On Lies, Secrets and Silence For the male to graduate from Prince to King he must forgo his dire need for his mother’s love. So long as the old contract stands—the insidious, unconscious and fear-based agreement between he and his mother—he cannot fully enter the heart of his waiting Queen. His mother was once a God to him, an ardent provider of love. She was love, and when that love […]

Pause For Love ~ Remember Who You Are, Why You Are Here and What Matters Most

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Pause For Love ~ Remember Who You Are, Why You Are Here and What Matters Most

I was sitting with my book designer in her apartment, struggling through what seemed like another litany of hurdles that go along with publishing. But that day there was a new challenge we’d yet to confront. A fuse blew, killing her internet connection. We needed that connection if we were to do the research and share material between our computers. So she phoned her landlord. “Hi Nigel. I’ve blown a fuse. Can you come replace it?” Nigel? Nigel Williams? It couldn’t be. Yet it was. I could hear his old, familiar, distinguishably sluggish Welsh accent moaning through the phone; my long lost uncle who I’d not seen in twenty years, someone who’s had as difficult a life as anyone I know, and someone my family […]

Gratitude is Not Just About Giving Thanks, but Ensuring Those Less Fortunate Are Not Forgotten

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Gratitude is Not Just About Giving Thanks, but Ensuring Those Less Fortunate Are Not Forgotten

Gratitude is a beautiful practice of acknowledging the goodness one receives. It moves us from simply taking and consuming into a felt-sense of appreciation for the love and abundance in our lives. Gratitude is not limited to time and space. We can give thanks to our parents who have passed on or the kind stranger who came to our aid twenty years ago. And we can give thanks to someone we have never met who lives across the world. In expressing gratitude, however, we are not just feeling appreciation; we are offering an acknowledgement that we see another and that they matter in this world. This is the deeper part of gratitude few speak of. I was walking by a homeless woman who was collecting […]

Children Hear “No” a Lot! So How About Giving Them a “Yes Day”?!

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Children Hear “No” a Lot! So How About Giving Them a “Yes Day”?!

“The moment I decided to follow instead of lead, I discovered the joys of becoming part of a small child’s world.” ~ Janet Gonzalez-Mena   A friend of mine parents with a playful touch, and she does so, in part, by offering her kids a Yes Day! Read below and watch above for the details. This may inspire you to say No a little less and Yes a whole lot more! Here are the wise words of Juliette Woods: Today at our house was “Yes Day!” It’s a day once a year when I say Yes to everything my children ask for. (There are a few ground rules around legality, safety, cost, etc.) They get my full attention, there is always laughter and play, and extra snuggles; […]