For romantic partners, family members, friends and work colleagues
Because most of our emotional pain originated in the context of relationships, such as with our parents, it’s in intimate or close relationships that it’s revealed. The closer we get to the heart of another, the closer we get to the wound and it’s protective mechanisms. The deeper the intimacy, the more likely old, unresolved pain and reactive defences emerge. Yet, when those old patterns and imprints are made conscious, relationship offers tremendous opportunities for healing.
Despite the pollyanna messages conveyed through fairytales and mainstream media, relationship, for most, is a challenging path. In the context of romantic relationships, we have dreams of heartfelt companionship and fulfilling a shared vision of, say, having a family. We have an ideal of someone “completing me” or “making me happy”.
Despite our longings, however, after the honeymoon period is over we usually hit turbulence. Reality comes crashing in, bursting our romantic bubble. Who we thought we were with begins to change. Blame, resentment, anger taints the fragile connection. We point at the other and their failings, not realizing that relationships serve as a powerful catalyst for uncovering and healing what’s unresolved in our psychobiology.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Jung
Our partners mirror our wounds and the limiting stories we hold that have long governed our life, usually since childhood. What’s unhealed is often projected outwardly onto our partner, facilitating a belief that they are responsible for our distress. While it can seem like they are the cause, in truth, they are merely triggers. Usually unwittingly, through their energy, beliefs, attitude and actions (or inaction), they trigger those old shadows so they can rise to the surface of our awareness.
It’s here that relationship counselling is helpful.
Using a variety of somatic practices, my job is to help my clients “leverage” those moments of being triggered for the sake of healing. Rather than perpetuating the story that “my partner is the cause of my suffering” and the illusion that it’s their job to “make me happy”, I help my relationship clients:
- reclaim their wholeness instead of waiting for the other to make them whole
- move from pointing at their partner to owning their projections
- realize how the other is playing the perfect part in amplifying personal pain and unhealthy patterns
- uncover the hidden relationship and personal “contracts” that keep toxicity in place
- identify the “inner roles” or emotional functions each person plays that, if not released, create resentment
- feel into and heal underlying emotional pain and trauma
- learn communication skills and general practices that foster safety, trust, understanding, connection and appreciation
- safely move into deeper states of shared vulnerability
- develop greater capacity for tenderness, empathy, intimacy and love
Structure and fees:
For those requiring one, I offer a complimentary 20 minute phone consultation to help determine if we are a fit. I do my best to schedule this in, but cannot always accommodate due to my busy schedule.
Because there are two clients in the room, it’s recommended that relationship counselling have a duration of no less than 90 minutes. These sessions are $180. The option is also there for a 2 hour session, which is $240. Certain relationship clients of mine find the extra half hour to be beneficial.
Also, it’s helpful, but not necessary, if each person in the relationship sees me on their own. Certainly at the beginning, having a few individual sessions helps me more fully understand the client’s personal history. The private sessions also elucidate unhealthy patterns, limiting beliefs and old wounds that can then be seen and addressed more clearly in the relationship sessions. Please visit my somatic counselling page for more information on my individual work.
Related articles I’ve written you may find helpful:
When You Can No Longer Dance the Dance of Roles in Your Relationship
Start With Empathy ~ The Gift of Being With Others in Their World
One Simple Question to Help You Avoid Misunderstandings
Discerning Unspoken Needs from Spoken Desires: Remembering What Matters in Relationships
Beyond Feelings it is the Unmet Need that Deserves and Desires Empathy
Reclaiming Deservedness and Desire ~ Using Relationships to Heal Your Fear of Asking for What You Want