5 Assumptions for Non-Judgmental Living ~ A Personal Challenge
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer We hear it all the time – don’t judge others. Yet living a non-judgmental life is not easy. We are judging machines, conditioned from birth to see through the lens of limitation. Here are two specific reasons why we judge: 1. When we judge others, we judge ourselves: The essence of judgment arises from a place of judging ourselves. When we are told at a young age that it is inappropriate to be __________ (such as angry), or not to be ____________ (such as silly), on some level we make these aspects bad or wrong. We then grow up projecting this idea onto others. If we see someone being angry […]
4 Ways to Not Know
“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” ~Margaret Drabble Something we tend to struggle with is accepting and communicating that we do not know. To the extent that we have been raised to believe that knowledge is power, we have come to believe that not knowing is weak and unproductive. As such, being honest about not knowing is difficult, and we feel pressure to act as if we know, when in fact we don’t. We fear judgment, asking for help and feeling as if we are a failure. Where in your life are you not accepting that you do not know? If you were to make it OK to not know, what would you do differently? Four ways to express not knowing “I don’t know.” […]
I wonder…
“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” ~Gerry Spence It is very easy to share our opinion with attachment, or even righteousness. We believe our perspective is the truth, and we deliver it as such. However, it is a real skill to share a point of view while still remaining open to others. We can do this by changing the tone of our voice to be warm or light. We can also use the child’s language of I wonder. “Wisdom is in not knowing.” ~ Deepak Chopra To be in wonder means to be open. It is an attitude of curiosity whereby we state our interest, and at the same time are open to not knowing the answer […]
Creating Colorful Perspectives
Where Your Attention Goes, the Energy Flows. The decisions we make are based on the perspectives we hold about a particular person or situation. A perspective may be: She doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’m stuck; I can’t figure this out. This meeting is pointless. It has to be done this way. A perspective is simply a lens through which we view the world. What we often fail to remember is that our perspective is one lens of many, and not the lens. It is one color in the spectrum of viewpoints. When we forget this, we get locked in our perspective, and fail to make ourselves available to all the other colorful options. The next time you feel stressed or uncomfortable in any way, […]
From Victim to Leader
Think back to a time when you felt someone had done you wrong, a time you felt victimized in some way. Perhaps it was at work – someone was always late, or speaking to you with disrespect. Or maybe it was at home – you were the one always doing the household duties; the responsibilities were not equally shared. While it is easy to point at others and blame, it is more empowering to point within. We move from victim to leader when we own our role in any conflict. Instead of blaming the other, we look for what we can do differently to change things. Maybe you: Let someone know what your expectations are Tell someone how you feel about the way they speak […]
The Feelings Behind Your Need
A complaint is an unspoken request. We share our needs with others and hope they are met. We may ask someone to help clean the house or complete the project on time. When we ask multiple times and the need is still not met it is natural to complain and feel powerless – asking again for the fourth time isn’t changing anything and yet saying nothing isn’t helping either. What is not being said that needs to be heard? Level 1 ~ Initial Request: When you express a need for first time, not only share what you want done, but say how having it done would make you feel and why it is important to you. “Sharing household duties makes me feel we have an equal […]
Learning Everywhere
“The moment you judge something, you stop learning.” ~ Lynda Austin. There is no such thing as failure; only unexpected outcomes. What we call failure is an outcome that disagrees with our agenda. The more attached we are to our views, the harder it is to be adaptable in the face of the unexpected, and the more incapable we are of finding learning in every moment. And we are more inclined to react, than respond. As you go about your week, be conscious of where you are attached to a point a view, and how this attachment may impact your response, or block learning and creativity. Instead of resisting, be curious, and in the Spirit of Yes And. Be open […]
Finding Value in the Opposite
When you have a working relationship that is frustrating you, instead of focusing on the behaviors you don’t like, focus on what you want. Here are four steps to Finding Value in the Opposite: 1. List Unwanted Behaviors: Make a list of the behaviors that are not working for you. 2. List the Opposite: Next to each behavior write down its opposite – the behavior you want. 3. Identify a Core Value: Next to each wanted behavior, write down a core value that reflects this behavior. 4. Create a List of Guiding Principles: Create specific definitions of how each value is to be expressed in the working relationship. For example: 1. He doesn’t practice full disclosure in his financial statements and goals 2. He gives […]
Underachieve a Little
“If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” ~ Bob Basso. One of the things that most limits play in my playshops is the need to get things right. The cure? Telling participants to practice “underachieving a little”. When practiced, they’re surprised at how much more creative and connected they are and, paradoxically, how much more they achieve. Rules, judgments, inhibitions and outcomes are let go. The relaxed state creates room for inspired engagement and unexpected and delicious possibilities. “One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries.” ~ A.A. Milne Perhaps it’s: Not trying so hard to control your next meeting Not planning your next conversation ahead of time Trusting something is good enough as is Trusting you […]
Teach Wisdom
by Lee Carroll and Jan Tober. “We must teach children how to think, not what to think. Our role is not to pass on knowledge, but rather wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge applied. When we only give children knowledge, we are telling them what to think, what they are supposed to know, and what we want them to believe is true. When we give children wisdom, however, we do not tell them what to know or what is true – rather, we tell them how to get their own truth. I envision an educational system based upon developing children’s abilities and skills rather than their memories. Children are our guides; we should give them the ability to discover and create their own truths.” ~ from their […]